![]() ![]() It wouldn’t be fair to criticise Lumie for failing to replicate the power of the sun. ![]() It’s hardly a bay window on an August morning, where the light feels constant and enveloping, even as you move around. Yet it doesn’t feel natural to constantly sit right next to a bright light. Does it soften the understanding that humanity is walking towards a cliff-edge? Not really! It’s just a lamp. It is rigid, but with the topography of a padded surface, which does soften the quality of the white light. The LEDs are covered with a “rippled diffuser” – a plastic face with a granular feel quilted into diagonal bands. I drink up the lumens and focus more on the panel itself, and its texture. Particularly in the afternoons, when the light is extinguished before teatime, and I begin to feel less like I’m hugging a strip light in Bar Italia at 4am. I come to appreciate the little window of energy. During this time, the sky is always fifty shades of grey: dreich beyond belief. I use it for a week: 30 minutes in the morning, a top-up session a few hours later. When I turned the light on, my boudoir resembled a chamber of extraordinary rendition. The experience reminds me of the time I changed my bedside lamp but didn’t realise I had bought a bulb that had too high a wattage. I recover my senses and try to adjust to the knockout field of photons. When I do, my face is right up next to the screen. I give my own, compact Lumie the once-over, trying to find the button to turn it on. ![]() Whatever gets you through the night, I suppose. ![]() A friend owns a larger, older light box and takes it to bed with him. Basically, you have to be intimate with the light. At a 30cm distance, my retinas would only receive roughly half that, and at 40cm about half again, twice doubling the treatment time needed to feel any effect. I slot in the kickstand and set it on my desk at a 20cm distance to receive the full 10,000 lumens. Vitamin L is slimline – roughly the size of a library reference book – portable and UV-free. And, lordy, that sounds good to me because another 12 months of this hot mess I cannot do. You can swat roaches all you like in Cockroach Simulator now, available on Steam for £4.79/5,99€/$5.99.Light therapy stimulates the retina, to suppress the sleep-inducing hormone melatonin and increase levels of mood-boosting serotonin. If you do decide to check it out, you might want to proceed with caution, especially if you're lacking in the friend department. From the look of things, Steam players have pointed out some potentially game-breaking issues like missing multiplayer options, lobby wonkiness and more. If you didn't get enough of Bad Mojo back when it released or just enjoy commiserating with roaches, this is a cheapie worth checking out, as long as you can get past all the bugs. You can also just roam around being disgusting and avoiding flyswatters, pots, and pans. Or you can get on your hands and knees and come for the little bugger with a can of bug spray. If you choose to be a roach, you scurry about out of harm's way, like when a blowtorch is coming your way and you take flight with your disgusting little wings. If you fancy playing as a discount version of Wallace of Wallace and Gromit fame, you can throw perfectly good plates and break them in an attempt to smash roaches. Cockroach Simulator is a lot like that, but instead of crawling around on the floor as an infant or a worried father you're a ruddy-looking human or a nasty little roach. You're probably familiar with games like Who's Your Daddy, where it's one player's job to keep another player (or a team, in some cases) from completing goals like suicide or self-preservation. Have you ever wanted to be a cockroach? Not someone who's a burdensome nuisance, but the bugs that hang out in condemned properties and dingy apartment complexes? You might want to pick up Cockroach Simulator. ![]()
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